A life coach shares the 5 steps to embracing change

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Golf club in hand, my mom took an energetic swing at the ball. She missed.

Laughing through a sheepish smile, she turned back to the task at hand and tried again. Thwack! Her club made contact with the small, dimpled orb, sending it sailing (albeit crookedly) off into the manicured green of the driving range.

Braving sweltering heat, she gamely made her way through her first-ever golf lesson at the Indian Wells Country Club in Greater Palm Springs. Afterward, as we recovered with a very welcome cold drink, I asked her why, at age 68 and with little to no interest in golfing, she had agreed to sign on for such a lesson.

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“Because, why not?” she replied simply. “I’ve never done it before, and I’ll probably never do it again.”

Her open approach to trying something new aligns with study results recently released by Mazda Canada. The Japanese automaker polled Canadians who fall within Gen X (ages 44-59) and Baby Boomers (ages 60-78), finding that 66 per cent of respondents report looking to “use the time ahead to explore and take on new challenges.”

Released in support of the automaker’s new CX-70 SUV, the study found that 71 per cent of respondents feel that exploring new places and activities helps to “maintain a sense of purpose and fulfilment.”

The idea that older Canadians are open to embracing new adventure — whether personally or professionally — doesn’t come as a surprise to Lisa Murphy, a certified life and wellness coach based in Toronto who specializes in coaching for ‘midlife’ people.

In fact, it’s something she herself has embraced.

“I experienced a real kind of shift around 50. It was like, ‘OK, I really need to get off this treadmill, shift gears, and try new things,’ ” Murphy shares. “And many of my clients are also experiencing the same kind of pull. Some of them don’t know exactly what they want to do next, but they just know that they’re ready to make a change and they’re ready to prioritize.”

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The desire to prioritize their own needs and interests comes after often dense decades filled with raising kids, juggling jobs and caring for elderly parents.

“They’ve been kind of doing all the things. So, I think 50, and 60 as well, is a real time to recalibrate,” Murphy says.

The reality of facing retirement — and any possible fear or indecision that comes with such a seismic shift — is also a primary factor that plays in to re-examining one’s life passions.

“They know they want to do some new things, but they’ve been working for so long, they’re not really sure how to make it happen,” Murphy says of a common concern she encounters with clients during this transition. 

While the interest is there, Murphy says it’s normal for people to feel some level of uncertainty when facing something new.

“One of the reasons is because they’ve been kind of acclimatized to doing everything for everybody else. It’s hard for them to give themselves permission to actually take more free time to prioritize adventure or prioritize doing new things,” Murphy says. “They have to work on their mindset to kind of remember this is your life too.

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“And, it’s like the oxygen mask on the airplane. You do need to take care of yourself so that you can also be there for others.”

Murphy recommends five steps to help prepare for a shift or new adventure (big or small)

1. Take time to take stock: Reflect on your life, exploring the idea of what you want more of — and less of — in your day-to-day and long-term outlook.

Key question: “What would I do or try if I knew that I couldn’t fail?”

 2. Dream big, start small: Consider your younger years. What were you interests then? And what did you imagine then that your future life would include?

Key question: Is there something that you can do know that reflects the interests of your younger self?

3. Push past indecision: When facing hesitation, shift to active language. Using the words “will” rather than “should” can help to set an intention and firm up a decision.

Key language: “I will do it” rather than “I should do it.”

4. Put fear in perspective: Take time to explore the root of your fears or nervousness surrounding a new activity or endeavour. Reminding yourself that you can tackle those fears can help to inspire confidence.

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Key question: “What can I do to ensure that my worries don’t come to pass?” 

5. Keep identifying and affirming the uplifting and passionate life that you want to live: Incorporate positive self-talk and daily affirmations to prioritize goals and uplift the everyday.

Key language: “I make time for fun and adventures that renew my drive and purpose.” 

To help get started on a new path, Murphy recommends starting small and then working up toward the bigger picture.

“Take it one day at a time,” Murphy suggests. “For example, for somebody who their secret dream was to write a book, what’s key is just to write every day. Letting go of the outcome and whether it will be a bestseller. Or will it be published? Will nobody ever read it? That doesn’t matter. Just start by doing the work, day-by-day.”

Embracing something new at an older age can’t only reinvigorate old interests or create new excitement, it also challenges societal stereotypes that getting older is somehow a bad thing.

“Gen Xers and Baby Boomers now have an opportunity to kind of redefine what success is. Success might be time off, time with real friends, trying new things, taking courses, going on road trips,” Murphy says. “What if success is about our whole life? Not just these very narrow definitions of successes.” 

Aharris@postmedia.com 

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