Daughter’s eating disorder likely needs medical attention

Q: I am concerned about our daughter. When she was 14, a couple of years ago, she told me that she wanted to start doing her own diet at home.

At first, I thought that was great. She was being what I would consider nutritionally responsible, eating lots of fruit and vegetables, granola for breakfast, drinking healthy drinks and water and snacking on multi-grain breads and muffins.

But now I am not so sure that she is necessarily on a good path. She seems to be missing a number of meals, spending more time weighing herself on the bathroom scale than anything else, and is always referring to herself through negative self-condemnations.

I don’t say much, but it seems to me that she is losing weight and, more so, that her goal is to lose even more. She is thin enough as it is, she does not need to drop much more.

When I ask my daughter about this, she shrugs me off saying that she is fine and that I should not worry so much.

But I do worry and I am concerned.

A: I think you have every right to be concerned and if I was in your position, I would be packing my daughter into the extended cab and checking in with the family doctor and the dietitian.

I am not an expert on eating disorders and I do not want to mislead you, but the issues you raise are scaring me and I think that you need to talk to someone who can either reassure you that all is well or help both you and your daughter if she is struggling with an eating disorder.

Eating disorders are dangerous. Let me give you an example.

A number of years ago, a young lady, Karen Carpenter, was successfully making records with her brother and floating somewhere near the top of the music charts. She was pretty, she had a terrific voice, she and her brother were winning Grammy awards. The two of them had a sizable income. She had it all.

Unfortunately, she also had an eating disorder and in the end, the eating disorder took over. Karen Carpenter died, despite her successes and in spite of a career that was continuing to blossom.

About nine percent of the world’s population struggles with various kinds of an eating disorders, many of whom will die in the process. Eating disorders are second only to drug addictions for deaths within the mental illness spectrum.

More than 10,000 people die each year due to eating disorders.

Eating disorders are relatively easy to spot. Those who consistently eat way too much, gorging, or binging, could well be working through eating disorders. On the other side of the equation, those who eat too little, starving themselves, fretting or obsessing with every pound they gain, could also be sticking their toes into the swampland of an eating disorder.

There are any number of programs around to help families who are dealing with someone’s eating disorder.

Start with your family doctor and work with her and your local dietitian to either help you support your daughter or refer you to a program specifically designed for eating disorders.

Some of these are residential programs. You might have to let your daughter go away for a couple of months.

Apart from that, I hope you find yourselves a good family therapist who can work with all of you.

An eating disorder is, above all else, a family problem, and it is through the family that you might get that final resolution to free-flow the love all of you want and need from each other.

Jacklin Andrews is a family counsellor from Saskatchewan. Contact: jandrews@producer.com.