Rural women and violence: What we don’t talk about

Why doesn’t she just leave?

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It’s a question many may ask themselves about a woman they know or suspect is in an unhealthy or violent relationship.

Concern over safety, housing and finances are just some of the barriers women in unhealthy relationships have to overcome in order to leave. And for women living in rural areas or on farms, isolation and lack of services makes those barriers seem almost insurmountable.

Why it matters: Women who live in rural areas have greater challenges than urban dwellers in accessing support to leave an unhealthy relationship.

Keely Horan and Andrea Chantree, counsellors with the Family Transition Place Rural Response program in Dufferin County, gave a frank presentation at the recent Advancing Women in Agriculture conference in Niagara Falls about the unique challenges that face rural women.

One of the biggest hurdles for abused women seeking help is “everybody knows everybody,” said Horan.
In rural communities, defined as those with fewer than 5,000 people, physical isolation can make a woman in an unhealthy relationship feel like she has nowhere to turn.

Also unique for rural women, said Horan, is lack of services in the community or transportation to services elsewhere, such as childcare, education, health care and housing support.

Traditional or patriarchal social values can still exist in rural communities, which can lead to silence about abuse among victims and community members who suspect or know about the abuse, she said.

Horan noted women are often surprised to learn that the rate of intimate partner violence against women is not higher in urban areas, as is often believed.

A report from the Canadian Centre for Justice and Community Safety Statistics was presented to the House of Commons Standing Committee on the Status of Women last year. It states that the rural rate of reported intimate partner violence against women is 598 per 100,000 population in Ontario, compared to 378 per 100,000 in urban areas. These numbers are for reported incidents, and Chantree said it’s known that nearly 70 per cent of spousal violence goes unreported.

What is abuse?

Not all abuse is physical.

Chantree said it means control. It exists when one person has more control and power over the other. Domestic abuse or woman abuse can be defined as a pattern of behaviour in a relationship used to gain control and power over another.

Abuse can be physical, sexual, financial, psychological and spiritual, and it does not discriminate, she said. Abusive behaviour can include frightening, intimidating, hurting, terrorizing, manipulating, humiliating, blaming and injuring the victim.

“The big thing I want everyone to take home is that anyone and everyone can experience some form of abuse,” said Chantree.

Domestic abuse can occur within a range of relationships as well — marriage, dating, cohabiting and family.

Barriers to getting help

Chantree said a big barrier for women leaving an unhealthy relationship is hope — they hope things will change.

“It’s a pretty natural response” to hope that things will improve and the abuse will stop. There are many “what ifs” and self-blame as well. For example, “if I hadn’t spoken in that tone, he wouldn’t have reacted the way he did.”

An interesting phenomenon, said Chantree, is that within the abuse cycle, there is a period of time where things do get better. There is a “honeymoon phase” where the abuser has promised to change and does, for a short time.

She said women walk on eggshells during this time, “and then it happens again, and then it just repeats itself. It’s pause, play, repeat.”

A recent study by researchers at Western University shows that economics can be one of the biggest challenges for rural women to overcome in an unhealthy relationship.

Tara Mantler, a professor of health sciences who specializes in women’s health, said in a Western University release that “sometimes we think of abuse as it happens, and then it’s done. Those consequences —having a destroyed credit score or losing a job because they couldn’t physically show up because they had significant physical abuse or their partner wouldn’t allow them to leave — those have lasting economic impacts and consequences that are often amplified in small towns where there are not as many employers, not as many options.”

Low credit scores or resumé gaps can “dog them for years after the abuse” she said.  

The researchers noted lack of finances can drive someone back to an abusive partner. So can lack of housing.

Horan said in her region, there is a seven-year wait list for income-geared or community supported housing, which doesn’t provide many options for abused women who need a new place to live.

Over the last year, Horan and Chantree said they have supported 155 women from ages 16 to 92 who have reached out to them for help.

The two counsellors offer confidential texting, email, phone appointments and face-to-face meetings at Family Transition Place or an off-site location. This allows them to respond to women seeking help and support, make them feel comfortable and allow them a safe space in which to talk.

Chantree said the nimbleness of the rural response program allows for crisis support, short-term counselling, referrals to social services and navigation of available support systems. She stressed that their role is not to judge, but to understand the needs of women who reach out. Often, they are looking for someone to talk to or to advise them.

Safety planning is a key component and is individualized for each woman, as leaving a relationship can escalate abuse, said Horan. She said on average, women leave an abusive relationship eight times before they leave for good.

In violent relationships, leaving can put a woman at even greater risk of harm or death and must be carefully navigated.

Safety plans can include things like always keeping a cell phone charged, having a neighbour or family member to go to, alternative child care, and understanding the risk involved when calling 911.

Police can lay charges against an abuser whether or not the victim wants them to, which can escalate violence when the abuser returns. If children are in the home, the Children’s Aid Society can become involved whether or not they are directly at risk.

Farm-specific challenges

Horan and Chantree spoke about the unique challenges for women in a farming partnership with their abuser.

Like most women in unhealthy relationships, the economic risk is great when leaving but farm women often are financially tied to the farm and farm property, as well as livestock, and it isn’t simple to dissolve such a business entity.

Horan noted that livestock is often used as a weapon, and she and Chantree have had several clients whose partners have threatened to neglect or kill livestock owned by the client or jointly with the partner.

The same threats happen to women in urban and rural areas concerning their pets. Leaving with a small dog or cat is one thing, but “how do you remove and safely house larger animals” when a woman feels she can’t return to her farm property, said Horan.

The link between violence and threats against animals is very strong, she said, and one of the questions now mandatory when a woman calls a crisis line for help is whether her partner has threatened her animals. This helps counsellors and emergency services understand the risk of violence, she said.

How to help

Horan said those who know of a friend, family or community member who is in an unhealthy relationship must recognize there are various avenues for support. She suggests gently expressing concern to the person affected, and offering information on resources in ways not obvious to the victim’s partner.

“It can be frustrating to support someone in an unhealthy relationship because you may not understand why they just don’t leave.”